I'm never getting out of here. I'm never going to do anything. These were the thoughts that constantly haunted me for weeks while I lived in Montgomery. I had starting to feel like I was going to be like all the other Montgomerians who planned to leave this town only to be sucked back in somehow. My high school history teacher once told me and my class that college was going to be the only chance many of us had to leave get away from home." Go as far away as you can", he would plea, "or else you'll never leave". Because, he reasoned, going to school here would mean finding love here, settling down here, and starting a new generation of people forever stuck to stay in Montgomery.
After my plans to escape to college fell through and transferring started to look more impossible everyday, I started to realize I was one of the people he was talking to. I was getting rooted here. And I was afraid I was going to be planted here forever. All of my plans thus far had fallen through and nothing I thought would happen was going as planned. I started to feel stuck and hopeless for a while. It felt as if nothing was going to change for me.
That's one of the reasons I wanted to take this trip abroad. I always wanted to go outside of the country, which is why I jumped at the chance to go to Korea. Even after I succeeded in becoming eligible to apply, and raising the money, I started to think that this was out of reach again. The thought that something was going to happen at the last minute to keep me grounded scared me for a while. The International Affairs Office would tell me that there had been mistake, and I couldn't go through. My passport hadn't gone through. Maybe they mistakenly added me as a student but I hadn't really been accepted. There had to be something. There was always something happening to stop me. It wasn't until I was in the plane touching down in Seoul that I finally realized that I had done it. I had gotten away. If even for just a month, I had managed to escape my hometown and do something exciting with my life. My destiny didn't have to be bound to my hometown if I didn't want to.That's when I was reminded of the three C's again, a little saying a wise woman told me last year. If you don't have the courage to take a chance, your life will never change. I had taken my chance. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I was in control of something in my life again.
Have you ever felt this way? What do you do when you feel hopeless, or you aren't making progress?